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Self-esteem and all that jazz

I realized that I went on a first date for the first time since I've been dating again (okay, so I've had maybe 3 first dates?) that my nerves were due to normal first date jitters, not because I thought he would take one look at me and want to run the other way.  

My other dates I truly, deep down, stressed about that.  I would think, he's going to see me and run.  And I believed that.  It is heartbreaking to me, that I thought so little of myself to even think that way.  On the other hand, I'm thankful I have finally found my place where I have more confidence, more self-esteem.  Sure I stressed over the fact that my hair wouldn't cooperate, but I didn't have that fear, that little voice inside that told me, "You are fat and ugly.  Why would anyone want you?  He's going to look at you and run."  The only voice I heard was the one telling me to just be myself and I would be fine.  And I was.

I'll never be skinny again.  I'll never be the prettiest girl.  But I'll always be me.  There's not another person on this earth like me. 


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