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I refuse to be irrelevant.

After insisting to my friends at work that I had *tried* to watch "Grace and Frankie" I discovered that I lied.  I had watched maybe 15 minutes of the show.  So I gave it a second chance.  I'm about halfway through the first season and something the character Grace said hit me like a ton of bricks.  "I refuse to be irrelevant."

I. Refuse. To. Be. Irrelevant.

To me it is a powerful statement.  And one I need to relate to more.  Because I can so related to feeling irrelevant these days.  I feel like I don't matter.  I mean of course, there are people I matter to, and others who make me feel irrelevant.  Who make me feel like my presence doesn't matter.  And I blame myself.

Tomorrow is my birthday and I don't even care.  I've always been all woohoo, my birthday is coming up.  This year? I could care less.  It's a Tuesday.  I have zero expectations.  I'm sure people on Facebook will wish me happy birthday, but otherwise, it just feels like a…
Recent posts

Who says you can't go home?

It was between the lyrics "I went as far as I could, I tried to find a new face. There isn't one of these lines that I would erase. I lived a million miles of memories on that road." and "Guess who's back?  Back again?" for the title to this post, but "Who says you can't go home?" seemed perfect as I feel like I'm home again.

It's silly, I know.  I don't know if anyone even reads blogs anymore.  I don't know if anyone reads mine.  It doesn't really matter.  My therapist suggested I write again whether it be in my journal or blogging.  But my immediate thought was this blog.  This is where I poured my heart out for years and it feels like my home. The last post I made here was about how wonderful my life was.  How much better it was. That was a little over a year ago.  And let me tell you.  It's been a hell of a year. My kiddos are wonderful.  Barbie Jr. while still sassy at times, is becoming such a beautiful (of course…

Au revoir, farewell, goodbye

Not that I'm very posty anymore, but after some thought and major life changes I'm shutting down this blog.  Well not really shutting down, I've just decided to get a fresh blog start elsewhere.  I will always be Barbie Girl but my life has changed.  It's different.  It's so much better.  And it deserves a place of it's own, away from my haunted past.

So if anyone still reads my blog, you can follow me to my new home: agirlnamedfreddie.wordpress.com

Love to all.

Time flies when you're having fun.

Heck, I don't even know if anyone still reads my madness or not.  But here I am, posting again.   Let's see, since my last post Barbie Jr has officially become a teenager and Barbie Girl is a mother yet again.   A teenager and a newborn, should be interesting.   I've been off work several months due to pregnancy related health issues and just hope to have a job to return to.  As scary as becoming a mother again was, it has all come back to me.  My whole world is officially complete.  My life is better than I ever could have imagined.  I've come a long way. A really long way.

Overwhelmed!

I don't post a whole lot.  Some because I'm too busy, some because I start and then draw a blank and mostly because I don't have a laptop and trying to type all my ramblings is nearly impossible from a smart phone.  (Edited to add that after typing that last sentence I searched the interwebs and found a bluetooth keyboard!! How did I not know this existed??)Right now I'm overwhelmed with life.  I'm pregnant, now unmedicated, trying to continue to grasp the million aspects of my new job, trying to get my house and my life in order in preparation of the baby, worried about my niece who is having health issues, and heartbroken over my father who has been diagnosed with vascular dementia.  Everything would be difficult while medicated but unmedicated I feel like a ticking timebomb.  And add to that my weight and age during this pregnancy and the worry of any possible health issues for the baby. I started this post yesterday so I don't really know where I was going …

Is it just me?

I know I'm alone in this one, I love the snow.  I freaking love it.  The minus degree temps, not so much, but I do, I love it.  Now don't get me wrong, if I lived in New England I have no doubt, I'd be quite over it by now.  But I don't live there, I live here, so damnit I'm going to enjoy it.

Which brings me to the reason for my post.  Apparently I am the only parent in the history of the world who never minded being stuck at home with my child.  I loved snow days.  I loved the snuggling and watching movies or cartoons all day.  And even now, I was a little sad I didn't have my Barbie Jr. with me the past few days.  She's with her dad this week and I've been snowed in.  She usually does her own thing when she's at home but I still missed her.

So when you start to complain, this kid is driving me crazy, or I must get away from him/her/them, remember, they grow up.  Life is short.  Enjoy them while you have them.  And most of all, count your blessing…

Merry Christmas

It's taken all the way up until Christmas Eve but BG has finally found her Christmas Spirit.  A two week bought with the flu and several rounds of steroids have taken their toll on this ol' gal.  But finally, it's here and I'm so excited for the upcoming days.

This time yesterday I couldn't see the forest for the trees.  By the time I left work I was so agitated and worked up that I was nearly in panic attack mode.  I took a deep breath, collected myself and got down to business.  I finished my shopping and wrapped all my gifts.  Now I won't promise the gifts are pretty, but by golly they are wrapped.

I am almost always happy anymore but I woke up cheerful today.  Like a weight had been lifted.  Of course that can also go back to the boyfriend who acknowledged my stress yesterday and bent over backwards to pitch in and do whatever he could to ease things up on my plate, right down to making sure dinner was covered.  And why?  Because he wanted to say thank you.…