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Showing posts from May, 2012

You're hard to read!!

I'll be the first to admit, I'm one tough cookie. I've learned that in the past year.  I can ramble about nonsene, post ridiculous status updates on Facebook, joke and laugh, but when placed in a one on one siuation, I turn to stone. But here's a secret, it may be frustrating for you, but it's damn frustrating for me too! I don't want to seem cold hearted and stoic. I want to be able to share my feelings.  And maybe someday I will be able to.

I spent years having my feelings used against me.  Being told my feelings didn't matter.  Many, many, years.  It's not something you can just turn on and turn off, I think it has to be relearned.  I'm afraid of my feelings, I am afraid of hurting others, I am afraid that if I speak my mind then I will lose.  Silly I know, but it's left over insecurities.

So yeah, maybe I am hard to read.  Maybe I am afraid to share my feelings.  Maybe I do keep everyone at arm's length, but I have my reasons and people…


This is how I'm spending my Saturday night.  My baby girl is with her dad for the weekend, I refuse to go out out and drink, so it's me, my 4 pets, a t-bone steak on my brand new grill and a 6 pack of Corona!

365 and some odd days

It's officially been a year since my divorce.  A year since I started moving into my new house.  A year since I began my venture to find happiness.  Although a year ago, I probably thought finding happiness meant finding SOMEONE, but I now realize it doesn't.  Happiness is waking up every day, thankful I am no longer miserable.  Being able to look at myself and like what I see, despite nothing really changing about me except for the length of my hair.  Looking forward to spending time with Barbie Jr.  My new grill.  My new cat.  The little things in life.

My love life has tanked.  And I'm okay with that.  I'm still happy nonetheless.  I'm not saying that I don't want to put forth any effort in a relationship, but I now realize it's okay to speak my mind.  It's okay to say, I don't want x, y, z in a person.  And it's okay to refuse to be a part of drama.  It might hurt, but it will be okay.

So I shall spend the summer enjoying life, hanging out w…

Take me home, country roads

I have never been so glad to be home in my life.  I arrived at the airport in Philadelphia just after 4 am.  I flew to Charlotte (yes, I still don't understand this) just to find out less than an hour before my flight home was supposed to board that it had been cancelled.  The last flight to Huntington was booked and was very late in the day. I could have been a "standby" passenger but wasn't guaranteed a seat and wouldn't be able to see Barbie, Jr.  So I ended up getting a flight into Charleston, WV and renting a car home.

THAT flight was delayed twice due to visibility in Charleston.  Then we get on the plane and the Captain apologizes for the delay stating not only was visibility bad, but the airport had just recently made renovations and some light that would assist in landing still was not working.  Oh and did he mention there were issues with the right engine and it had to be manually started?  That's when the prayers started!

I managed to nap, since I …