Step Away From The Barbies

 It's been a hot minute huh?  1,312 days to be exact.  Yes, I gave it a goog. I've been back several times but words escaped me.  Nothing would come out.  I was in a bad place for a long time.  But after a whole lot of patience, many prayers, and the support of my family and friends, I made it.  And it's worked out well for all of us.  We moved early this year into a cute little house.  Just me and my kids. My little guy, we will call him Felix, he's happier and has been a champ with the change.  He gets the best of both worlds.  Barbie Jr, she's been a Godsend.  I don't know what I would have done without her. There have been differences in ending a relationship vs. divorce (obviously).  Ins and outs.  But this time around, I can actually say Felix's father and I are doing pretty well at this co-parenting thing.  Which is an odd situation for me given what I went through with Ken.  But even that part is goi...

My attitude has not improved since two nights ago. It maybe improved briefly but has returned to the sadness. I've spent the day at work fighting the urge to sit at my desk and sob or throw things and scream.  In the grand scheme of things, I KNOW I have so much to be thankful for. I remind myself of this multiple times a day. But I also know how real my depression is. And no matter how much therapy, what medication I take or what I do, it will be something I struggle with for the rest of my life. I envy happy people. I have become the greatest actress at faking happiness. I realize I don't need *someone* to be happy.  I like my alone time, I like not having someone in my space at all times, but as I said in my last blog, I miss companionship.  I miss the friendship.  I miss having someone to call mine.  I miss inside jokes. I miss secrets. I miss having someone to love.

Random pet peeves! Jerks who have to be first and pull out in front of you even though there isn't a car behind you Fleas, I don't really know if you could call them a pet peeve but they annoy the hell out of me. Selfishness. It isn't always about you. I'm just saying! If a woman cooks dinner for you, for God's sake, thank her! Offer to take a freaking plate to the kitchen. Needless, self-created drama Justin Bieber Dating again. I haven't dated in 17 years. It sucks. Big words for simple things. It's art class damnit, not "enrichment" Mean people. They just suck When you've had a conversation at least ten times yet the person acts like it's the first time they ever heard of such a thing