Step Away From The Barbies

A year ago this weekend, is the weekend that changed my life.  I had a conversation with a random person that spoke loud and clear and told me for once, to follow my gut.  And I did.  And what I found was shocking and devastating.  At the time, I thought it was one of the worst moments of my life, now I realize, it was a blessing. I went through all the right motions and cried.  I cried A LOT.  I felt defeated.  I felt hopeless.  I felt sad.  I replayed the prior 12 years in my mind.  All the problems we faced, the struggles we had been through, and tried to blame myself.  But I couldn't.  He continued to convince me he wasn't seeing the other woman, he wanted me back.  But finding out he was lying to me (big surprise) and living with her is when I think I hit rock bottom.  But it all made sense.  And that's when my determination kicked in. I made it through the holidays.  Of course there was turmoil. ...

I started this blog I believe sometime around 2005 or 2006.  As I mentioned before, so much of what I posted in the past, while it has a lot to do with who I am now, it was too painful and a chapter of my life that I closed, so I removed it to start fresh. Today, I can post for the first time since I started this blog all those years ago, I am truly, fully, utterly happy.  I am at a place where I like myself again.  I'm single, I've lost weight, I feel great most days, I walk outside and see beauty all around me, and it's freaking wonderful. I look in the mirror and love myself.  And it's not about my appearance.  I can look at myself and no longer feel shame.  I look at myself and see a woman who has changed tremendously over the past year.  Has faced some of the most difficult times in her life and kept plowing along stronger and with more determination.  Determined to not fail.  Determined to prove to mainly herself that she would surv...

If you'd told me 17 years ago I'd end up a victim of domestic violence I would have said you were crazy. IF you'd told me a year ago I'd end up a victim of domestic violence I would have said you were crazy. Something like that would never happen to me. Well folks, guess what, it did. 11 days ago to be exact. We've been separated for over 5 months now. He lived for 2 of those with the woman that led to our separation. And I, after 5 months went on a date *gasp*. He's been on a downward spiral for months. Even while living with her, he would call me up and scream and make crazy accusations about me and a friend of mine. It had gotten to the point, I refused to communicate in any way except for texting. Then Barbie Jr. became sick and was hospitalized, my dad had already been hospitalized for some time and all around the same time as he moved out of her house. We were able to communicate once again. We'd had numerous conversations over the months of...