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Showing posts from February, 2013

My dear friend....

Had it not been for you, I would have never made it through those first few months of my divorce.  You were my rock.  You made me mad as damn at times but that's what friends do.  I wanted to kick your ass when I cooked for you that time and waited on you hand and foot.  And when you left your gum on my table.  But looking back, that's now a memory I will cherish with a smile.  I cherish all the long talks we had.  Many of which continued until the sun came up.

I will find peace with the regrets I have, the biggest being I feel like I failed you as a friend.  I hope you know how dear you were to me and that I will always love you.

Rest in peace my friend.

stand still, look pretty

Retrospect is a curious thing.  Another relationship ended this week and in retrospect, I let myself down.  I spent a little while reading back through old messages on Facebook and on my phone.  Recalling some early phone conversations and becoming more agitated with myself for not doing what I should have done sooner.  Stand up for myself.

Little comments about "overweight people" or how I needed a better routine at the gym if I really wanted results.  Comments about my clothes.  My house. My pets.  And I grinned and took it.  Some within the first week or so of communication.  I recalled a phone conversation where I was told Yeah, I looked at some of your pictures and I can tell the weight fluctuation in your face. That's really when I  should have said, FUCK OFF!
When I had enough and put my foot down, I got all the classic, narcissistic responses.  All the typical responses you would get from someone who is controlling.  But only ONE half-hearted apology to ONE thing…

Take Me As I Am

Ask my momma about the day I was born and you'll hear a story of my dad sleeping, my mom sneaking to scrub baseboards, her hemorrhaging and both of us nearly dying.  Moral of the story, I came into this world to the beat of my own drum.  No, no birth is "typical" but this event set the stage for my life.
I was never the kid who wanted to be like all the other kids.  I was always unique.  I was never afraid of what people might think.  I did my own thing.  I still liked New Kids on the Block when I was 18, did I care?  No.  Did I care that I maybe didn't dress like everyone else?  No.  Did I care that my hair wasn't perfect?  No.  Little things that added up to make me who I was.
While I've changed a lot over 37 years, one aspect that has changed very little is the fact that I still, march to the beat of my own drum.  And it's often said, that is one thing people admire about me.  That I've never been afraid to be myself.  And I find it getting more diff…