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I hear.....

All I can hear is the hum of the a/c and an occasional sound from one of the 3 pets. Barbie, Jr. is with her dad and I'm home alone.

The alone part is what is so hard. I like my alone time, but then again, I wouldn't mine having someone to talk to. I can log onto Facebook at any given minute and end up with some ridiculous post that gets a hundred comments, but it isn't the same. Phone conversations to maybe discuss what we've been through? Someone to hang out on the couch with and watch tv. Go to a movie with. I don't want to plan a wedding or move anyone in. I just want someone I know I can pick up the phone and call and who will be there for me.

Today was really hard. This week I have met Asshat's new girlfriend. When we met, she seemed unfriendly. I chalked it up to him convincing her I was the devil and only telling her horrible awful things about me that were untrue. She called me today and apologized. Said it caught her off guard, and she wants us to be able to get along since we will probably be seeing more of each other now. She won some major brownie points with me. Of course part of me wanted to scream, what the hell are you doing with him anyway?? You seem like a good person. But I didn't. Either she will be good for him, or she will figure him out and run far away.

So she was with him when we met to exchange Barbie Jr. Afterwards they went inside of Wendy's to get something to eat. That's the moment it began to sting. I was sitting in my car and look over and there goes the three of them into Wendy's and she and Barbie Jr. are laughing over something. I won't lie, it hurt. It hurt seeing the three of them walking in, so happy. Because I knew I was going home to be alone.

I know this alone time is for the best right now, but in the back of my head I think I am going to end up alone. I continue to get shot down when it comes to my dating endeavors. Maybe there is something wrong with me. Maybe I was the one who was flawed, not him.


cassee01 said…
I'm pretty sure it won't last very long if she's smart. Don't obsess over him having someone - you know what a loser he is and it's only a matter of time before she feels the same way you did. Enjoy this time you have to explore things YOU want to do - try and remember all the times you wanted to do this or that and didn't because Asshat would not like it and go do them!

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