My last post was about how I refused to be irrelevant. I posted it the day before my 42nd birthday. It was and is a phrase that has stuck with me. I haven't blogged since, although I have been planning to. So months later, here
On my birthday I received an anonymous gift of a beautiful Edible Arrangement with the attached card:
I want whoever you are to know, I carry this with me in my wallet every single day. I have a few special things that I keep with me always, a drawing Savannah did, a poem she wrote me to tell me everything would be fine when her dad and I were in an ugly custody battle, and now this. Whoever you are, your kind gesture holds a spot among the most treasured things I carry with me day in and day out. I take it out when I am having an especially down day to remind myself that I do matter. That I am relevant. Yesterday was one of those days. I was feeling down, unloved, unappreciated, so I took the note out and read it. And through my tears of frustration…
After insisting to my friends at work that I had *tried* to watch "Grace and Frankie" I discovered that I lied. I had watched maybe 15 minutes of the show. So I gave it a second chance. I'm about halfway through the first season and something the character Grace said hit me like a ton of bricks. "I refuse to be irrelevant."
I. Refuse. To. Be. Irrelevant.
To me it is a powerful statement. And one I need to relate to more. Because I can so related to feeling irrelevant these days. I feel like I don't matter. I mean of course, there are people I matter to, and others who make me feel irrelevant. Who make me feel like my presence doesn't matter. And I blame myself.
Tomorrow is my birthday and I don't even care. I've always been all woohoo, my birthday is coming up. This year? I could care less. It's a Tuesday. I have zero expectations. I'm sure people on Facebook will wish me happy birthday, but otherwise, it just feels like a…
It was between the lyrics "I went as far as I could, I tried to find a new face. There isn't one of these lines that I would erase. I lived a million miles of memories on that road." and "Guess who's back? Back again?" for the title to this post, but "Who says you can't go home?" seemed perfect as I feel like I'm home again.
It's silly, I know. I don't know if anyone even reads blogs anymore. I don't know if anyone reads mine. It doesn't really matter. My therapist suggested I write again whether it be in my journal or blogging. But my immediate thought was this blog. This is where I poured my heart out for years and it feels like my home.
The last post I made here was about how wonderful my life was. How much better it was. That was a little over a year ago. And let me tell you. It's been a hell of a year.
My kiddos are wonderful. Barbie Jr. while still sassy at times, is becoming such a beautiful (of course…