It's been a pretty good weekend. For one, I got my haircut which ALWAYS makes the world a better place AND I got bangs. I got to spend it with Barbie Jr., my mom and my nephew. We got my yard mowed so now my neighbors no longer hate me. And I hopped on the scales at my parents house and I had lost 4 pounds. And we went to the zoo.
The whole Zoo experience was weird. The travel part brought up so many memories from relationships past. Memories from when I was dating Ken as well as memories of relationships since my divorce. It was bittersweet. Of course I always love the zoo. The part that made me sad was encountering the families. The moms and dads and their kids. It made me sad because Barbie, Jr. never got to experience that. I wonder if she has any memories of things we did as a family because I know I don't. Usually when we went somewhere like that it was the two of us. And it makes me sad. It makes me feel like a failure as a parent. Like her dad and I have robbed her of this. And it made me sad because I long to be part of a happy family. A mom, a dad/step-dad and the kids. I long to be part of a relationship where we can plan to go somewhere for the day and take Barbie, Jr. and his kids if he had any. Maybe someday.
I officially start my weight loss venture tomorrow. I've been informally watching what I eat since joining Weight Watchers but not counting points. Tomorrow begins the points. I'm pretty excited. I've been on pinterest, pinning exercises, motivational posters and other tips like crazy. The 4 pound weight loss has been a huge help. Showing me simple things like drinking mostly water can really help. I've also decided to try and cut out as much artificial sweetener as I can. I'd like to phase out soda but I'm taking baby steps. I've switched to Diet Coke with Splenda and to putting Splenda in my iced tea as opposed to sweet n low. My plan is to drink as much water as I can during the day and allowing myself one soda and/or iced tea. I can do this, I need to do this and I will do this.
The whole Zoo experience was weird. The travel part brought up so many memories from relationships past. Memories from when I was dating Ken as well as memories of relationships since my divorce. It was bittersweet. Of course I always love the zoo. The part that made me sad was encountering the families. The moms and dads and their kids. It made me sad because Barbie, Jr. never got to experience that. I wonder if she has any memories of things we did as a family because I know I don't. Usually when we went somewhere like that it was the two of us. And it makes me sad. It makes me feel like a failure as a parent. Like her dad and I have robbed her of this. And it made me sad because I long to be part of a happy family. A mom, a dad/step-dad and the kids. I long to be part of a relationship where we can plan to go somewhere for the day and take Barbie, Jr. and his kids if he had any. Maybe someday.
I officially start my weight loss venture tomorrow. I've been informally watching what I eat since joining Weight Watchers but not counting points. Tomorrow begins the points. I'm pretty excited. I've been on pinterest, pinning exercises, motivational posters and other tips like crazy. The 4 pound weight loss has been a huge help. Showing me simple things like drinking mostly water can really help. I've also decided to try and cut out as much artificial sweetener as I can. I'd like to phase out soda but I'm taking baby steps. I've switched to Diet Coke with Splenda and to putting Splenda in my iced tea as opposed to sweet n low. My plan is to drink as much water as I can during the day and allowing myself one soda and/or iced tea. I can do this, I need to do this and I will do this.
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