Some days I know everything will be okay, some days I have to convince myself of this. Today is one of the days I know everything will be okay but at the same time, I'm just disillusioned with life.
I have this blasè attitude about it all. Probably the wrong way to feel, but it beats investing tons of emotion in something. I guess you could say my give a damn's busted.
It's so bad that I'm actually looking forward to be out of town the next few days for work because it means I won't spend my evenings lonely. And I'll get to interact with other adult people and have fun. And I don't even care that I'll be there for my birthday. But I will be sad to miss my Wednesday with my girl!
I actually got the line "I refuse to sink" off a picture of a tattoo on Facebook. But it's fitting for the way I feel right now. I feel like I'm sinking, sinking, sinking. Financially, mentally, physically, emotionally, any way possible. The financial issues are probably the stem of all the other issues. I don't know how many people have told me, just don't worry, God will provide. I'm a Christian, but I suspect when the day comes that they come to shut off my electric or cable or water that they are going to want cold hard cash, not a sermon. And forgive me, I don't mean to mock God but I'm just cynical right now. The weeks I have Barbie, Jr. are pretty good, aside from last week when we were sick. But she keeps me busy, she keeps me sane. The weeks like this, when she's gone I'm lost, lonesome, sad. I'm tired of being a doormat. Someone's last thought. Their option. Tired of not standing up for myself whether it be ...
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