I actually got the line "I refuse to sink" off a picture of a tattoo on Facebook. But it's fitting for the way I feel right now. I feel like I'm sinking, sinking, sinking. Financially, mentally, physically, emotionally, any way possible. The financial issues are probably the stem of all the other issues. I don't know how many people have told me, just don't worry, God will provide. I'm a Christian, but I suspect when the day comes that they come to shut off my electric or cable or water that they are going to want cold hard cash, not a sermon. And forgive me, I don't mean to mock God but I'm just cynical right now. The weeks I have Barbie, Jr. are pretty good, aside from last week when we were sick. But she keeps me busy, she keeps me sane. The weeks like this, when she's gone I'm lost, lonesome, sad. I'm tired of being a doormat. Someone's last thought. Their option. Tired of not standing up for myself whether it be at work when I'm overwhelmed or when I'm feeling forgotten. I'm just tired. But I'll take a break and keep swimming because I refuse to sink.
Heck, I don't even know if anyone still reads my madness or not. But here I am, posting again. Let's see, since my last post Barbie Jr has officially become a teenager and Barbie Girl is a mother yet again. A teenager and a newborn, should be interesting. I've been off work several months due to pregnancy related health issues and just hope to have a job to return to. As scary as becoming a mother again was, it has all come back to me. My whole world is officially complete. My life is better than I ever could have imagined. I've come a long way. A really long way.