I actually got the line "I refuse to sink" off a picture of a tattoo on Facebook. But it's fitting for the way I feel right now. I feel like I'm sinking, sinking, sinking. Financially, mentally, physically, emotionally, any way possible.
The financial issues are probably the stem of all the other issues. I don't know how many people have told me, just don't worry, God will provide. I'm a Christian, but I suspect when the day comes that they come to shut off my electric or cable or water that they are going to want cold hard cash, not a sermon. And forgive me, I don't mean to mock God but I'm just cynical right now.
The weeks I have Barbie, Jr. are pretty good, aside from last week when we were sick. But she keeps me busy, she keeps me sane. The weeks like this, when she's gone I'm lost, lonesome, sad.
I'm tired of being a doormat. Someone's last thought. Their option. Tired of not standing up for myself whether it be at work when I'm overwhelmed or when I'm feeling forgotten. I'm just tired. But I'll take a break and keep swimming because I refuse to sink.
Clearly I realize the title of this blog is incorrect but it made me laugh. So I've been reading this book that Big Sister Barbie bought for me over the weekend. It's about how to break out of the "nice girl syndrome". She didn't pick it out for me, I picked it out and she said, "You need this. I'm buying it for you." And wow, it really hits home. I can relate to so much in that book. For instance, I'm finding I become too nice when it comes to relationships. And the result is Barbie Girl = doormat. I don't think it's too much to ask for a little attention. I don't think it's too much to ask for the occasional night out on the town. I don't think it is too much to ask to just hold me for a little while rather than spend a token 2 hours with me and then rush off. It's my choices most likely. And my not standing up for what I deserve. So for future reference, here's what I want out of a relationship: res...
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