I actually got the line "I refuse to sink" off a picture of a tattoo on Facebook. But it's fitting for the way I feel right now. I feel like I'm sinking, sinking, sinking. Financially, mentally, physically, emotionally, any way possible.
The financial issues are probably the stem of all the other issues. I don't know how many people have told me, just don't worry, God will provide. I'm a Christian, but I suspect when the day comes that they come to shut off my electric or cable or water that they are going to want cold hard cash, not a sermon. And forgive me, I don't mean to mock God but I'm just cynical right now.
The weeks I have Barbie, Jr. are pretty good, aside from last week when we were sick. But she keeps me busy, she keeps me sane. The weeks like this, when she's gone I'm lost, lonesome, sad.
I'm tired of being a doormat. Someone's last thought. Their option. Tired of not standing up for myself whether it be at work when I'm overwhelmed or when I'm feeling forgotten. I'm just tired. But I'll take a break and keep swimming because I refuse to sink.
It's been a hot minute huh? 1,312 days to be exact. Yes, I gave it a goog. I've been back several times but words escaped me. Nothing would come out. I was in a bad place for a long time. But after a whole lot of patience, many prayers, and the support of my family and friends, I made it. And it's worked out well for all of us. We moved early this year into a cute little house. Just me and my kids. My little guy, we will call him Felix, he's happier and has been a champ with the change. He gets the best of both worlds. Barbie Jr, she's been a Godsend. I don't know what I would have done without her. There have been differences in ending a relationship vs. divorce (obviously). Ins and outs. But this time around, I can actually say Felix's father and I are doing pretty well at this co-parenting thing. Which is an odd situation for me given what I went through with Ken. But even that part is going well. Barbie Jr. graduated from high school in M
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