Skip to main content

Did someone say nuts?

Over the past 3 years my life has been a constant roller coaster.  3 years ago I was this sad, miserable, insecure separated woman who was terrified.  Things got worse, then much worse, then better.  Then worse again, well, you get the picture.

I still have ongoing battles, but the good by far outweighs the bad.  My Barbie Jr. is doing well, is settled into our routine, and seems to look forward to seeing her dad.  I have for once focused on me, trying to get healthy.  No, I don't bust my ass in the gym 4 and 5 days a week every single week, but even on the weeks I only get there once or twice, it's still more than I was doing a year ago.  I feel better.  My outlook on life is better.  It's taking time and I'm being patient.  I didn't gain weight and become a ticking time bomb of health overnight and I'm not going to fix it overnight.  Aside from a few issues I feel good mostly.  I have my moody days but that's normal.  I've found my calm.

I am reminded every single day at what amazing and wonderful people I'm surrounded by.  People that love me, support me, cheer me on and are by my side.  One of my best friends and I have taken on project "awesome us".  It's a reminder that we ARE fabulous bitches and anyone who can't see that doesn't need to be a part of our lives.  It's about learning to love ourselves first.  And it's working.

In the midst of all this I woke up one morning during the whole OMG I'm getting old post (See my Kicking and Screaming post) and finally admitted to myself that not only do I have feelings for this fella I've spent most of the past year with, but that I can't be without him.  And that he's pretty damn special.  Barbie Jr. loves him, my family loves him and I am pretty smitten myself.  And yeah, it was just like that.  I've had the overly mushy, put on a show for others guy and frankly I'd still like to kick him in the groin. And I've had the clinger who has to be like an octopus on my out in public.  And I didn't like those guys.  I like my fella who keeps me on my toes.  Surprising me every now and then with true, genuine, gestures.  It's the little things like the two of us sitting on my porch, having a beer, talking or him being glad to be a part of my life.

So in a nutshell my life is pretty amazing. Everyone said it would happen, I just chose not to believe.


Popular posts from this blog

Kindness goes a long way

My last post was about how I refused to be irrelevant. I posted it the day before my 42nd birthday.  It was and is a phrase that has stuck with me.  I haven't blogged since, although I have been planning to. So months later, here

On my birthday I received an anonymous gift of a beautiful Edible Arrangement with the attached card:

I want whoever you are to know, I carry this with me in my wallet every single day.  I have a few special things that I keep with me always, a drawing Savannah did, a poem she wrote me to tell me everything would be fine when her dad and I were in an ugly custody battle, and now this.  Whoever you are, your kind gesture holds a spot among the most treasured things I carry with me day in and day out.  I take it out when I am having an especially down day to remind myself that I do matter.  That I am relevant. Yesterday was one of those days.  I was feeling down, unloved, unappreciated, so I took the note out and read it. And through my tears of frustration…

I refuse to be irrelevant.

After insisting to my friends at work that I had *tried* to watch "Grace and Frankie" I discovered that I lied.  I had watched maybe 15 minutes of the show.  So I gave it a second chance.  I'm about halfway through the first season and something the character Grace said hit me like a ton of bricks.  "I refuse to be irrelevant."

I. Refuse. To. Be. Irrelevant.

To me it is a powerful statement.  And one I need to relate to more.  Because I can so related to feeling irrelevant these days.  I feel like I don't matter.  I mean of course, there are people I matter to, and others who make me feel irrelevant.  Who make me feel like my presence doesn't matter.  And I blame myself.

Tomorrow is my birthday and I don't even care.  I've always been all woohoo, my birthday is coming up.  This year? I could care less.  It's a Tuesday.  I have zero expectations.  I'm sure people on Facebook will wish me happy birthday, but otherwise, it just feels like a…

Who says you can't go home?

It was between the lyrics "I went as far as I could, I tried to find a new face. There isn't one of these lines that I would erase. I lived a million miles of memories on that road." and "Guess who's back?  Back again?" for the title to this post, but "Who says you can't go home?" seemed perfect as I feel like I'm home again.

It's silly, I know.  I don't know if anyone even reads blogs anymore.  I don't know if anyone reads mine.  It doesn't really matter.  My therapist suggested I write again whether it be in my journal or blogging.  But my immediate thought was this blog.  This is where I poured my heart out for years and it feels like my home. The last post I made here was about how wonderful my life was.  How much better it was. That was a little over a year ago.  And let me tell you.  It's been a hell of a year. My kiddos are wonderful.  Barbie Jr. while still sassy at times, is becoming such a beautiful (of course…