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Did someone say nuts?

Over the past 3 years my life has been a constant roller coaster.  3 years ago I was this sad, miserable, insecure separated woman who was terrified.  Things got worse, then much worse, then better.  Then worse again, well, you get the picture.

I still have ongoing battles, but the good by far outweighs the bad.  My Barbie Jr. is doing well, is settled into our routine, and seems to look forward to seeing her dad.  I have for once focused on me, trying to get healthy.  No, I don't bust my ass in the gym 4 and 5 days a week every single week, but even on the weeks I only get there once or twice, it's still more than I was doing a year ago.  I feel better.  My outlook on life is better.  It's taking time and I'm being patient.  I didn't gain weight and become a ticking time bomb of health overnight and I'm not going to fix it overnight.  Aside from a few issues I feel good mostly.  I have my moody days but that's normal.  I've found my calm.

I am reminded every single day at what amazing and wonderful people I'm surrounded by.  People that love me, support me, cheer me on and are by my side.  One of my best friends and I have taken on project "awesome us".  It's a reminder that we ARE fabulous bitches and anyone who can't see that doesn't need to be a part of our lives.  It's about learning to love ourselves first.  And it's working.

In the midst of all this I woke up one morning during the whole OMG I'm getting old post (See my Kicking and Screaming post) and finally admitted to myself that not only do I have feelings for this fella I've spent most of the past year with, but that I can't be without him.  And that he's pretty damn special.  Barbie Jr. loves him, my family loves him and I am pretty smitten myself.  And yeah, it was just like that.  I've had the overly mushy, put on a show for others guy and frankly I'd still like to kick him in the groin. And I've had the clinger who has to be like an octopus on my out in public.  And I didn't like those guys.  I like my fella who keeps me on my toes.  Surprising me every now and then with true, genuine, gestures.  It's the little things like the two of us sitting on my porch, having a beer, talking or him being glad to be a part of my life.

So in a nutshell my life is pretty amazing. Everyone said it would happen, I just chose not to believe.


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