Step Away From The Barbies

I don't know where to start.  As I stated, I'm happy.  Very happy. But it's not just about finding someone.  It's about all the things.  Rekindling my relationship with God. (okay, so maybe it IS about finding someone) Letting go of years of bitterness and anger and resentment.  Spending the past year with someone who brick by brick has singlehandedly brought down the walls I had built up around my heart.  Finding inspiration at church again. Tuesday I leave with my fella on a trip overnight to visit his parents.  I'm meeting the parents.  It's been 19 years and 8 months since I met parents.  I'm a nervous wreck, but I was 18 the last time I met parents so I have to be less awkward now than I was then, right?  I'm excited at the same time. Since returning to church and finding my faith again, I've noticed many things.  For one, I am happier.  I find that I am more understanding and tolerant of people.  I find that I wa...

But really, I am okay!  Clearly, if you are reading this, you think I am confused.  And clearly, if you are reading this, then you probably know me and you KNOW I am always confused.  But it's okay. As usual, my life consists of a whole pile of chaos.  And that's okay too.  I always have some random, bizarre ongoing in my life and I've accepted that. But the more I move forward, the more the fog lifts and the more I realize that despite the randomness, despite the battles, I wouldn't trade my life for anything.  I'm growing more and more content with each passing day. Yesterday I would consider one of my top ten days of my adult life.  It was a simple, perfect day from start to finish.  You probably expect some big spectacular story but it wasn't that.  It consisted of going to church with my mother, spending the afternoon with her, my nephew and my dad, continuing that time into late evening, cooking for my nephew and I, and my boyfriend...

Over the past 3 years my life has been a constant roller coaster.  3 years ago I was this sad, miserable, insecure separated woman who was terrified.  Things got worse, then much worse, then better.  Then worse again, well, you get the picture. I still have ongoing battles, but the good by far outweighs the bad.  My Barbie Jr. is doing well, is settled into our routine, and seems to look forward to seeing her dad.  I have for once focused on me, trying to get healthy.  No, I don't bust my ass in the gym 4 and 5 days a week every single week, but even on the weeks I only get there once or twice, it's still more than I was doing a year ago.  I feel better.  My outlook on life is better.  It's taking time and I'm being patient.  I didn't gain weight and become a ticking time bomb of health overnight and I'm not going to fix it overnight.  Aside from a few issues I feel good mostly.  I have my moody days but that's normal.  ...