Skip to main content

If you've never been alone....

If you are someone who has never been alone, you probably can't understand where I'm coming from.  Take me for example, I went from my parents house, to getting married and living with my husband.  35 years of never really and truly being alone.  That's a long damn time.

So I find myself, almost 36 and suddenly on my own with the exception of Barbie, Jr. 2 cats and a dog.  So granted I'm not completely alone, but I really can't call my 9 year old when I'm mad at her dad, or just to vent, or to share happy news.  I have my family but I want someone of my own.  My own special person who I can call and they can call me when they are happy/sad/stressed/etc.  My very own Mr. Barbie.  And not someone who wants to fix everything or give me solutions.  Just someone who will share in my happy/sad/whatever with me.  Someone if I call and say can you believe what so and so did, and he would say that rat bastard. I want someone who can look at me and know I need a hug.  Someone to hold my hand just because.

If I hear one more person say "you are so lucky you are alone" I might scream.  Take you are so lucky from the  sentence and there you have it.  You are alone.  I'm tired of crying myself to sleep at night.  I'm tired of feeling sad.  I'm tired of wondering why he found someone.  I'm tired of being the better person and turning the other cheek.  All it does is causes you to end up alone.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I refuse to sink...

I actually got the line "I refuse to sink" off a picture of a tattoo on Facebook. But it's fitting for the way I feel right now. I feel like I'm sinking, sinking, sinking. Financially, mentally, physically, emotionally, any way possible. The financial issues are probably the stem of all the other issues. I don't know how many people have told me, just don't worry, God will provide. I'm a Christian, but I suspect when the day comes that they come to shut off my electric or cable or water that they are going to want cold hard cash, not a sermon. And forgive me, I don't mean to mock God but I'm just cynical right now. The weeks I have Barbie, Jr. are pretty good, aside from last week when we were sick. But she keeps me busy, she keeps me sane. The weeks like this, when she's gone I'm lost, lonesome, sad. I'm tired of being a doormat. Someone's last thought. Their option. Tired of not standing up for myself whether it be ...
3 comments
Read more

No more Mister Nice Girl

Clearly I realize the title of this blog is incorrect but it made me laugh.  So I've been reading this book that Big Sister Barbie bought for me over the weekend.  It's about how to break out of the "nice girl syndrome".  She didn't pick it out for me, I picked it out and she said, "You need this.  I'm buying it for you." And wow, it really hits home. I can relate to so much in that book. For instance, I'm finding I become too nice when it comes to relationships.  And the result is Barbie Girl = doormat. I don't think it's too much to ask for a little attention.  I don't think it's too much to ask for the occasional night out on the town.  I don't think it is too much to ask to just hold me for a little while rather than spend a token 2 hours with me and then rush off.  It's my choices most likely.  And my not standing up for what I deserve. So for future reference, here's what I want out of a relationship: res...
3 comments
Read more

BG: New and Improved

 Barbie girl here. It's been a while huh? Since I last posted in October, 2021 a lot has changed. My father passed away. I've gotten my heart broken, again. I had major surgery and lost over 100 pounds. I've had some really hard, honest, raw conversations with myself. Grew closer with my family. Grew closer with my children. Learned to love myself once and for all. The Grief Papa Barbie passed away in February, 2022.  It was the single, most difficult thing I have ever faced. He was my hero. The one who taught me to love baseball. The one who taught me how to do things. The one who taught me to drive on back roads of Wayne County.  It was somewhat unexpected, but he had been battling health issues for some time. He was home, in his favorite chair, just exactly where he would have wanted to be.  We suspected it was closing in on us because he started talking to family members who had passed in the months leading up to his death. My family and my sister's family had be...
Post a Comment
Read more