Skip to main content

Hearts, love and all that jazz

It's officially February.  The first day brings two wonderful events.  My sister and brother-in-law's wedding anniversary and my niece's birthday.  Then you move on to the mushy love stuff.

This year, it's all hitting me hard.  My sister and brother-in-law are celebrating 21 years, my niece is turning 18 and again, I'm single on Valentine's Day.  And I think, will I ever have a love that's lasted 21 years, or will I end up alone.

A little melodramatic, I know, but it's how I feel.  Granted, I have had some interest but for one reason or another, I end up getting scared away, which tells me two things: One, obviously I'm not ready for a relationship and two, the right person hasn't come along.  I want fireworks damnit!  I get claustrophobic.  Feel suffocated.  And start lacing the running shoes up when kids get mentioned whether it be mine or theirs.  Too much too soon. And of course I have a strict policy about Barbie, Jr. meeting anyone.  Not with the separation issues she's been having.

Being in a relationship sounds nice, but I like my time.  My time alone, my time with Barbie, Jr.  MY time.  And I'm just not ready to share that yet.  Maybe I'm weird, maybe I'm selfish, but it's my life and I'll live it my way.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Time flies when you're having fun.

Heck, I don't even know if anyone still reads my madness or not.  But here I am, posting again.   Let's see, since my last post Barbie Jr has officially become a teenager and Barbie Girl is a mother yet again.   A teenager and a newborn, should be interesting.   I've been off work several months due to pregnancy related health issues and just hope to have a job to return to.  As scary as becoming a mother again was, it has all come back to me.  My whole world is officially complete.  My life is better than I ever could have imagined.  I've come a long way. A really long way.
1 comment
Read more

Who says you can't go home?

It was between the lyrics "I went as far as I could, I tried to find a new face. There isn't one of these lines that I would erase. I lived a million miles of memories on that road." and "Guess who's back?  Back again?" for the title to this post, but "Who says you can't go home?" seemed perfect as I feel like I'm home again.

It's silly, I know.  I don't know if anyone even reads blogs anymore.  I don't know if anyone reads mine.  It doesn't really matter.  My therapist suggested I write again whether it be in my journal or blogging.  But my immediate thought was this blog.  This is where I poured my heart out for years and it feels like my home. The last post I made here was about how wonderful my life was.  How much better it was. That was a little over a year ago.  And let me tell you.  It's been a hell of a year. My kiddos are wonderful.  Barbie Jr. while still sassy at times, is becoming such a beautiful (of course…
1 comment
Read more

Glimpses of karma

It's pretty sad, I blog so seldom, I had to go back and see what my last post was about.  And when.  Nearly 4 months have passed and there have been so many more changes in my life.

The big change is, I was granted an amazing job opportunity that I couldn't turn down.  So on August 15, I said goodbye to the job I'd held for over 13 years.  It was time for a change.  I'm still a paralegal but it's a completely different setting and better pay.  I can finally afford to give my daughter the things she needs and deserves without worrying how to make ends meet.

Really that's the biggest change.  There have been minor changes some of which I may have already mentioned within my family.  Good and bad but we know things could always get worse so we manage.  My dad's health has been failing for some time and we now know he has early stages of dementia.  Being a daddy's girl, it's difficult to see, but I cherish the time I have with him.

Barbie Jr is still he…
1 comment
Read more