Step Away From The Barbies

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal and memories no one can steal." It's hard to believe it has been 7 years since we lost my granny.  For some reason, this year is especially hard on me.  Because of all we've been through?  Maybe.  Because I know she would be proud of me?  Absolutely.     I dreamt of her night before last.  She was on her porch and I was driving by.  I was ashamed because in my dream it had been over a year since I had been to visit her.  All I know is I'd give just about anything to hear her laugh again, to see her smile and for a hug from her.  I miss her so much.

I'm very proud of myself.  In all this self-transformation, the one thing I have finally realized is, it's okay to stand up for yourself.  In my divorce I managed to finally take a stand, but found myself afterwards, still walking around, worrying too much about hurting feelings and less about what was best for me.  I can proudly say, during the past month, and everything sort of falling into place, I realized, you're gonna hurt feelings sometimes. You can't make EVERYONE happy. I've lost a friend or two because of this, but the bottom line is, they really weren't friends to begin with.  One used me as an alibi without my knowledge and dragged me in the middle of tons of drama, the other wanted to keep me on the backburner as a potential girlfriend in case the perfect woman never came along.  I made it clear that I indeed was one hell of a catch. Guys, let me tell you something, I am all for keeping your options open if you are not in an exclusive relationsh...

Dialogue from a year ago today.  In the middle of Wal-Mart.  Yep KLASSY! Me:  "You hurried up on your route thinking you could avoid me huh?  You are nothing but a LYING sack of SHIT!" Him:  "I didn't do nothing." Me:  "Oh bullshit. Men don't send men text messages with fucking smiley faces in them.  When you get home from work, you're shit will be packed and on the porch.  I want you OUT!" Best words I ever uttered in my entire life.

A year ago this weekend, is the weekend that changed my life.  I had a conversation with a random person that spoke loud and clear and told me for once, to follow my gut.  And I did.  And what I found was shocking and devastating.  At the time, I thought it was one of the worst moments of my life, now I realize, it was a blessing. I went through all the right motions and cried.  I cried A LOT.  I felt defeated.  I felt hopeless.  I felt sad.  I replayed the prior 12 years in my mind.  All the problems we faced, the struggles we had been through, and tried to blame myself.  But I couldn't.  He continued to convince me he wasn't seeing the other woman, he wanted me back.  But finding out he was lying to me (big surprise) and living with her is when I think I hit rock bottom.  But it all made sense.  And that's when my determination kicked in. I made it through the holidays.  Of course there was turmoil. ...

My new mantra.  Aaaah, happy, it's nice to see you again.

This is a story of two friends Berta and Fred** Fred:   Blah, blah, blah, I like to crochet and do granny things. Berta:  We should do granny things together. Fred:   I got some new crochet patterns.  I'm going to make some hats. Berta:  Never EVER say that on a first, or second date. Fred:   But what if I want to make my date a hat? Berta:  NEVER.  Listen to me.  You don't talk granny things on a first date. Fred:   Fine.  Third date? Berta:  *glares at Fred* No granny talk. ** names changed to protect the "innocent"