Even though I know I am doing the right thing, it's difficult. I thought I had cried my last tear after the abuse but it turns I was wrong.
Yesterday, asshat and I sat down with our attorneys and an hour and a half later, on 8 sheets of white paper, were the terms of our agreement. 17 years on 8 sheets of paper. I cried the entire time. It started over nothing really, the tears just began to flow almost as soon as we sat down. Luckily, I didn't go into full blown sobs, just the steady stream of tears down my face.
On May 11th, this chapter of my life will end. I will again be Adkins. I will no longer be a "married woman". I will then become a "single mom". And on May 13th, I get the keys to our new home. I'm excited to move on with my life. Excited for new beginnings and as much as I have been through, a bit sad about the end. I gave everything I possibly could and I know this. But even those times I couldn't stand to be in the same room with him, the bottom line was, he had become a best friend. When something happened, good or bad, he was the first person I would call. I still catch myself thinking I will call and tell him something and then remembering I can't. So now, when something happens, I find myself a little lost, a little lonely.
I will be fine. I will again be happy. I will find love. I will survive.