Skip to main content

17 years, and 8 pages later.....

Even though I know I am doing the right thing, it's difficult. I thought I had cried my last tear after the abuse but it turns I was wrong.

Yesterday, asshat and I sat down with our attorneys and an hour and a half later, on 8 sheets of white paper, were the terms of our agreement. 17 years on 8 sheets of paper. I cried the entire time. It started over nothing really, the tears just began to flow almost as soon as we sat down. Luckily, I didn't go into full blown sobs, just the steady stream of tears down my face.

On May 11th, this chapter of my life will end. I will again be Adkins. I will no longer be a "married woman". I will then become a "single mom". And on May 13th, I get the keys to our new home. I'm excited to move on with my life. Excited for new beginnings and as much as I have been through, a bit sad about the end. I gave everything I possibly could and I know this. But even those times I couldn't stand to be in the same room with him, the bottom line was, he had become a best friend. When something happened, good or bad, he was the first person I would call. I still catch myself thinking I will call and tell him something and then remembering I can't. So now, when something happens, I find myself a little lost, a little lonely.

I will be fine. I will again be happy. I will find love. I will survive.


Popular posts from this blog

Who says you can't go home?

It was between the lyrics "I went as far as I could, I tried to find a new face. There isn't one of these lines that I would erase. I lived a million miles of memories on that road." and "Guess who's back?  Back again?" for the title to this post, but "Who says you can't go home?" seemed perfect as I feel like I'm home again.

It's silly, I know.  I don't know if anyone even reads blogs anymore.  I don't know if anyone reads mine.  It doesn't really matter.  My therapist suggested I write again whether it be in my journal or blogging.  But my immediate thought was this blog.  This is where I poured my heart out for years and it feels like my home. The last post I made here was about how wonderful my life was.  How much better it was. That was a little over a year ago.  And let me tell you.  It's been a hell of a year. My kiddos are wonderful.  Barbie Jr. while still sassy at times, is becoming such a beautiful (of course…

Time flies when you're having fun.

Heck, I don't even know if anyone still reads my madness or not.  But here I am, posting again.   Let's see, since my last post Barbie Jr has officially become a teenager and Barbie Girl is a mother yet again.   A teenager and a newborn, should be interesting.   I've been off work several months due to pregnancy related health issues and just hope to have a job to return to.  As scary as becoming a mother again was, it has all come back to me.  My whole world is officially complete.  My life is better than I ever could have imagined.  I've come a long way. A really long way.

Glimpses of karma

It's pretty sad, I blog so seldom, I had to go back and see what my last post was about.  And when.  Nearly 4 months have passed and there have been so many more changes in my life.

The big change is, I was granted an amazing job opportunity that I couldn't turn down.  So on August 15, I said goodbye to the job I'd held for over 13 years.  It was time for a change.  I'm still a paralegal but it's a completely different setting and better pay.  I can finally afford to give my daughter the things she needs and deserves without worrying how to make ends meet.

Really that's the biggest change.  There have been minor changes some of which I may have already mentioned within my family.  Good and bad but we know things could always get worse so we manage.  My dad's health has been failing for some time and we now know he has early stages of dementia.  Being a daddy's girl, it's difficult to see, but I cherish the time I have with him.

Barbie Jr is still he…