Step Away From The Barbies

It's been a really random few days. I've discovered, sometimes being strong for the sake of your child is sometimes really difficult but something that must be done. I've realized that some people will continue to live life playing the victim. As in, never owning up to the mistakes they make. I will be the first to tell you, I make mistakes and I've made plenty of them. I have learned from them. And I move on. MOVE ON being the key word. My plea to asshat is, move on and quit making my life a living hell. I've admitted the mistakes I made and I am attempting to get on with my life. I don't deserve the hell you have put me through for over 15 years and you sure as hell never deserved me. But I got the best of you and she's asleep beside me. Because of your actions that you can't seem to own up to, I get the joy of going to bed snuggled up to her every night while you lay in your cold, lonesome bed at your parent's house. I realize each day ho...

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they go right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart, so that better things can fall together." Marilyn Monroe

I've been reading through the blog archives I removed. Printing them out. As much as I would like to forget them, the bottom line is, my past has made me who I am today. I should not find shame in it. One post in particular caught my eye. I've never made it a secret that I'm this hopeless romantic. Deep down, there's a little girl inside of me that has always believed fairy tales do exist. So this post from October, 2008, made me sad: There's no such thing as a glass slipper. I want the fairy tale. I want Prince Charming. I want the man who tells me how completely wonderful I am, even if I DO eat ice cream cake while on my diet. I want a man who takes my breath away each and every day. A man who doesn't lie to me, doesn't hurt me, and doesn't take me for granted. I want to be Cinderella damnit. The thing is, Walt Disney lied to us. All of us little girls who dreamed of perfect love and romance... LIED TO. There are no fairy godmothers, there ...

So the last time I checked my birth certificate it had me turning 36 this year. Now don't get me wrong, I'm no whiz at math, but I am pretty sure my current age is 35. Apparently there has been some confusion since everyone wants to treat me like a fucking child. I'm sick of everyone telling me how I should live my life. Sick of the guilt trips when I do find happiness. Sick of the negativity. But it's fine, because one thing I have learned lately is, this is MY life. As long as I am not potentially harming my child, then nobody should have any say in what I do. And they can't stand that. I will make mistakes like everyone else and I will learn from them. I will no longer live my life for everyone else, I now live my life for ME!

If you'd told me 17 years ago I'd end up a victim of domestic violence I would have said you were crazy. IF you'd told me a year ago I'd end up a victim of domestic violence I would have said you were crazy. Something like that would never happen to me. Well folks, guess what, it did. 11 days ago to be exact. We've been separated for over 5 months now. He lived for 2 of those with the woman that led to our separation. And I, after 5 months went on a date *gasp*. He's been on a downward spiral for months. Even while living with her, he would call me up and scream and make crazy accusations about me and a friend of mine. It had gotten to the point, I refused to communicate in any way except for texting. Then Barbie Jr. became sick and was hospitalized, my dad had already been hospitalized for some time and all around the same time as he moved out of her house. We were able to communicate once again. We'd had numerous conversations over the months of...

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” - Steve Jobs No words could be so true. Over the past 4 1/2 months I have realized a few things. One being, I've let too many people be involved in how I live my life, thus causing me to live someone else's life. Not a life that has been my own. And it's all coming back to bite me. I'm now a 35 year old, single mom, who can't sneeze without someone giving me an opinion. Or giving me shit about how I sneezed. It's frustrating but I only have myself to blame.

Random pet peeves! Jerks who have to be first and pull out in front of you even though there isn't a car behind you Fleas, I don't really know if you could call them a pet peeve but they annoy the hell out of me. Selfishness. It isn't always about you. I'm just saying! If a woman cooks dinner for you, for God's sake, thank her! Offer to take a freaking plate to the kitchen. Needless, self-created drama Justin Bieber Dating again. I haven't dated in 17 years. It sucks. Big words for simple things. It's art class damnit, not "enrichment" Mean people. They just suck When you've had a conversation at least ten times yet the person acts like it's the first time they ever heard of such a thing

I'm the same ol' Barbie Girl. I've got the same attitude, the same sense of humor, the same family, but my past is history. I'm starting new. Time to quit dwelling on what could have been, what wasn't, all that went wrong in my life and dwell on being fabulous. I would sit and read back through my old posts and while they make me who I am today, they also make me incredibly sad. Of course I saved a copy, but they can no longer be found on my blog. I want to focus on being a wonderful mom and a good person. I want Barbie, Jr. to see a mom that is happy, not sad and depressed. 2011 already has been a challenge. Barbie Jr, spent a week in the hospital, my dad spent almost 6 weeks in the hospital, and at times we weren't sure he'd make it out. I have a renewed thankfulness for many things, one being my family. Over the past few months, I've learned a lot about myself and a lot about people. I'm tired of settling. I want to be appreciated. And I...