I thought a week long vacation would be enough to ease some of my anxiety but it's worse. Don't get me wrong. It's one of the best family vacations I have been on in many years. Little drama, lots of fun. The worst part was being able to see how much my dad's health has declined over the past couple of years. He used to be right out there with us jumping waves and now he does good to stand in shin deep water without being off balance. But aside from that, it was great.
There was constant worry, would my dad fall walking to the beach, what if the kids got out in the water and got knocked down and couldn't get up, I miss my boyfriend, what if he decides he hates me this week while I'm gone, why do I have to be so broke financially? I could go on and on and on for hours but I'll stop there. Other than the finances, it was all ridiculous.
This was all the reason I went on meds to begin with 12 years ago. The racing mind, the irrational worry, the panicky feeling. It's annoying. It's frustrating and I want it to stop. Luckily, I'm supposed to go to the doctor this week, but it happens to be the same day I'm supposed to go to court so I'm guessing I'll have to reschedule. Which will probably start a whole new chain of worry!
It's been a hot minute huh? 1,312 days to be exact. Yes, I gave it a goog. I've been back several times but words escaped me. Nothing would come out. I was in a bad place for a long time. But after a whole lot of patience, many prayers, and the support of my family and friends, I made it. And it's worked out well for all of us. We moved early this year into a cute little house. Just me and my kids. My little guy, we will call him Felix, he's happier and has been a champ with the change. He gets the best of both worlds. Barbie Jr, she's been a Godsend. I don't know what I would have done without her. There have been differences in ending a relationship vs. divorce (obviously). Ins and outs. But this time around, I can actually say Felix's father and I are doing pretty well at this co-parenting thing. Which is an odd situation for me given what I went through with Ken. But even that part is going well. Barbie Jr. graduated from high school in M
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