I thought a week long vacation would be enough to ease some of my anxiety but it's worse. Don't get me wrong. It's one of the best family vacations I have been on in many years. Little drama, lots of fun. The worst part was being able to see how much my dad's health has declined over the past couple of years. He used to be right out there with us jumping waves and now he does good to stand in shin deep water without being off balance. But aside from that, it was great.
There was constant worry, would my dad fall walking to the beach, what if the kids got out in the water and got knocked down and couldn't get up, I miss my boyfriend, what if he decides he hates me this week while I'm gone, why do I have to be so broke financially? I could go on and on and on for hours but I'll stop there. Other than the finances, it was all ridiculous.
This was all the reason I went on meds to begin with 12 years ago. The racing mind, the irrational worry, the panicky feeling. It's annoying. It's frustrating and I want it to stop. Luckily, I'm supposed to go to the doctor this week, but it happens to be the same day I'm supposed to go to court so I'm guessing I'll have to reschedule. Which will probably start a whole new chain of worry!
Barbie girl here. It's been a while huh? Since I last posted in October, 2021 a lot has changed. My father passed away. I've gotten my heart broken, again. I had major surgery and lost over 100 pounds. I've had some really hard, honest, raw conversations with myself. Grew closer with my family. Grew closer with my children. Learned to love myself once and for all. The Grief Papa Barbie passed away in February, 2022. It was the single, most difficult thing I have ever faced. He was my hero. The one who taught me to love baseball. The one who taught me how to do things. The one who taught me to drive on back roads of Wayne County. It was somewhat unexpected, but he had been battling health issues for some time. He was home, in his favorite chair, just exactly where he would have wanted to be. We suspected it was closing in on us because he started talking to family members who had passed in the months leading up to his death. My family and my sister's family had be...
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