I thought a week long vacation would be enough to ease some of my anxiety but it's worse. Don't get me wrong. It's one of the best family vacations I have been on in many years. Little drama, lots of fun. The worst part was being able to see how much my dad's health has declined over the past couple of years. He used to be right out there with us jumping waves and now he does good to stand in shin deep water without being off balance. But aside from that, it was great. There was constant worry, would my dad fall walking to the beach, what if the kids got out in the water and got knocked down and couldn't get up, I miss my boyfriend, what if he decides he hates me this week while I'm gone, why do I have to be so broke financially? I could go on and on and on for hours but I'll stop there. Other than the finances, it was all ridiculous. This was all the reason I went on meds to begin with 12 years ago. The racing mind, the irrational worry, the panicky feeling. It's annoying. It's frustrating and I want it to stop. Luckily, I'm supposed to go to the doctor this week, but it happens to be the same day I'm supposed to go to court so I'm guessing I'll have to reschedule. Which will probably start a whole new chain of worry!
Heck, I don't even know if anyone still reads my madness or not. But here I am, posting again. Let's see, since my last post Barbie Jr has officially become a teenager and Barbie Girl is a mother yet again. A teenager and a newborn, should be interesting. I've been off work several months due to pregnancy related health issues and just hope to have a job to return to. As scary as becoming a mother again was, it has all come back to me. My whole world is officially complete. My life is better than I ever could have imagined. I've come a long way. A really long way.