Skip to main content

Poor, poor pitiful me

Barbie Jr. is breaking my heart.  I spent an hour this morning trying to calm her from crying when I took her to school.  Get an e-mail from her teacher at the end of the day that she wrote a story in writing about her mommy and daddy not being together and making her cry.  Cue the meltdown.

I've officially worn down.  Found my breaking point. I'm exhausted from worry and stress.  Anxious.  Nervous.  And just feeling blah in general.  

Of course it doesn't help matters that when I tried to talk to asshat about things he got all tough love.  Sadly, I wish I thought that was coming from him and not his girlfriend.  Then he wanted to question her meds.  Again, hello girlfriend.  This evening when Barbie Jr called me she broke down and wanted to come home.  I never feed into it.  I always encourage her to stay there insisting that her daddy misses her and she needs to spend time with him.   I tell her to go talk to him and tell him why she's upset.  Within two minutes I have a shouting phone call from him wanting to know what is going on and why is she crying.  

For once, just for once, for the sake of our only child, I just wish he would man up, grow a pair of balls and actually want to do what is right for her rather than doing what he always does, which is find someone to blame.    I wish for once he could do the right thing and make a decision on his own, or have an independent thought.

I feel like a failure as a parent.  I know I did everything possible to hold us together as a family and failed.  I should have gotten her into counseling earlier, but she seemed fine, so yet again I failed.  And now, he wants to accuse me of babying her or loving her too much.  How dare he.  Apparently, I'm the only love and comfort she finds right now and I wish he could see that.  It's hurting her, him, and their relationship.  But we all know, in typical asshat form, in the end, I'll get the blame.  I always do.  



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Time flies when you're having fun.

Heck, I don't even know if anyone still reads my madness or not.  But here I am, posting again.   Let's see, since my last post Barbie Jr has officially become a teenager and Barbie Girl is a mother yet again.   A teenager and a newborn, should be interesting.   I've been off work several months due to pregnancy related health issues and just hope to have a job to return to.  As scary as becoming a mother again was, it has all come back to me.  My whole world is officially complete.  My life is better than I ever could have imagined.  I've come a long way. A really long way.

Who says you can't go home?

It was between the lyrics "I went as far as I could, I tried to find a new face. There isn't one of these lines that I would erase. I lived a million miles of memories on that road." and "Guess who's back?  Back again?" for the title to this post, but "Who says you can't go home?" seemed perfect as I feel like I'm home again.

It's silly, I know.  I don't know if anyone even reads blogs anymore.  I don't know if anyone reads mine.  It doesn't really matter.  My therapist suggested I write again whether it be in my journal or blogging.  But my immediate thought was this blog.  This is where I poured my heart out for years and it feels like my home. The last post I made here was about how wonderful my life was.  How much better it was. That was a little over a year ago.  And let me tell you.  It's been a hell of a year. My kiddos are wonderful.  Barbie Jr. while still sassy at times, is becoming such a beautiful (of course…

Glimpses of karma

It's pretty sad, I blog so seldom, I had to go back and see what my last post was about.  And when.  Nearly 4 months have passed and there have been so many more changes in my life.

The big change is, I was granted an amazing job opportunity that I couldn't turn down.  So on August 15, I said goodbye to the job I'd held for over 13 years.  It was time for a change.  I'm still a paralegal but it's a completely different setting and better pay.  I can finally afford to give my daughter the things she needs and deserves without worrying how to make ends meet.

Really that's the biggest change.  There have been minor changes some of which I may have already mentioned within my family.  Good and bad but we know things could always get worse so we manage.  My dad's health has been failing for some time and we now know he has early stages of dementia.  Being a daddy's girl, it's difficult to see, but I cherish the time I have with him.

Barbie Jr is still he…