Skip to main content

Overwhelmed!

I don't post a whole lot.  Some because I'm too busy, some because I start and then draw a blank and mostly because I don't have a laptop and trying to type all my ramblings is nearly impossible from a smart phone.  (Edited to add that after typing that last sentence I searched the interwebs and found a bluetooth keyboard!! How did I not know this existed??)

Right now I'm overwhelmed with life.  I'm pregnant, now unmedicated, trying to continue to grasp the million aspects of my new job, trying to get my house and my life in order in preparation of the baby, worried about my niece who is having health issues, and heartbroken over my father who has been diagnosed with vascular dementia.  Everything would be difficult while medicated but unmedicated I feel like a ticking timebomb.  And add to that my weight and age during this pregnancy and the worry of any possible health issues for the baby.

I started this post yesterday so I don't really know where I was going with it all other than I needed an outlet to vent. I'm still blessed in so many ways and need to just enjoy life day by day.  It's just really hard because day by day we see changes in my father and it makes me sad to think that he may not really know this baby.  The reality of his future is just setting in for him as well so he's been really depressed.  And that's difficult to see as well.

The good news is they are adjusting my niece's medication so hopefully this will help her condition.  I had my blood drawn today for genetic tests to be done so now I get to wait two weeks for the results.

In the meantime I'll be saying lots of prayers and doing a lot of meditating.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I refuse to sink...

I actually got the line "I refuse to sink" off a picture of a tattoo on Facebook. But it's fitting for the way I feel right now. I feel like I'm sinking, sinking, sinking. Financially, mentally, physically, emotionally, any way possible. The financial issues are probably the stem of all the other issues. I don't know how many people have told me, just don't worry, God will provide. I'm a Christian, but I suspect when the day comes that they come to shut off my electric or cable or water that they are going to want cold hard cash, not a sermon. And forgive me, I don't mean to mock God but I'm just cynical right now. The weeks I have Barbie, Jr. are pretty good, aside from last week when we were sick. But she keeps me busy, she keeps me sane. The weeks like this, when she's gone I'm lost, lonesome, sad. I'm tired of being a doormat. Someone's last thought. Their option. Tired of not standing up for myself whether it be ...
3 comments
Read more

No more Mister Nice Girl

Clearly I realize the title of this blog is incorrect but it made me laugh.  So I've been reading this book that Big Sister Barbie bought for me over the weekend.  It's about how to break out of the "nice girl syndrome".  She didn't pick it out for me, I picked it out and she said, "You need this.  I'm buying it for you." And wow, it really hits home. I can relate to so much in that book. For instance, I'm finding I become too nice when it comes to relationships.  And the result is Barbie Girl = doormat. I don't think it's too much to ask for a little attention.  I don't think it's too much to ask for the occasional night out on the town.  I don't think it is too much to ask to just hold me for a little while rather than spend a token 2 hours with me and then rush off.  It's my choices most likely.  And my not standing up for what I deserve. So for future reference, here's what I want out of a relationship: res...
3 comments
Read more

Mirror, mirror

Not a day goes by that I don't think about my ex-husband and what transpired between us 2 years ago. Every day when I look at myself in the mirror, I am reminded of what happened that day.  A day that opened my eyes and showed me what I needed to do. Oddly enough, even though I think about it every single day, this year, the date passed and I didn't even realize it until today.  I'd like to think it's because I have put all that behind me.  At least, I hope that's what it is.  I've come a long way since that day. I'm a different person now than I was, but one thing has become abundantly clear to me, I am not so sure I like the person I have started to become. There have been many things over the past couple of years I am not proud of.  I've done some pretty stupid things while trying to soul search and find myself.  Yeah, we all make mistakes.  My problem? I keep making them.  The biggest thing I dislike about myself is my apparent inabili...
3 comments
Read more