The fact that my life is a constant drama has become the topic of amusement in my family and rightfully so. But if I have learned anything over the past 2 years, it's been to roll with the punches, dust myself off and move forward stronger and learning from whatever lesson life might hold at the moment.
The latest is the saga of Barbie's Not So Dreamy House. Barbie will be relocating her dream house over the next couple of weeks to a new location. It's a good thing although the circumstances leading up to the relocation not amusing. It will all around work out for the best.
I'm back in the dreaded dating field yet again. I still have that insecure voice inside of me who is convinced that my date will take one look at me and run the other way. Although the logical side of me says if he did, that would be his loss. But the insecure side of me would crumble and die if that ever happened. But I've developed the ability to mask my insecurity well. I was referred to as sexy the other day and I wanted to scream, are you freaking kidding me? Have you really LOOKED at me? I mean c'mon! But I didn't. I did what any good actress would do and said, Well, thank you.
I actually got the line "I refuse to sink" off a picture of a tattoo on Facebook. But it's fitting for the way I feel right now. I feel like I'm sinking, sinking, sinking. Financially, mentally, physically, emotionally, any way possible. The financial issues are probably the stem of all the other issues. I don't know how many people have told me, just don't worry, God will provide. I'm a Christian, but I suspect when the day comes that they come to shut off my electric or cable or water that they are going to want cold hard cash, not a sermon. And forgive me, I don't mean to mock God but I'm just cynical right now. The weeks I have Barbie, Jr. are pretty good, aside from last week when we were sick. But she keeps me busy, she keeps me sane. The weeks like this, when she's gone I'm lost, lonesome, sad. I'm tired of being a doormat. Someone's last thought. Their option. Tired of not standing up for myself whether it be ...
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