Skip to main content

Knight in shining armor

So I'm pretty happy with life.  I know I keep saying this but I am finally at this point where I've accepted who I am.  When I first separated from my ex, I could never understand what anyone would want me for.  I felt hideous and was convinced with each date I went on, that the guy would take one look at me and run for the hills.  This isn't to say I don't still get nervous when I go out, but I now have the confidence I once lacked.  And I figure, if he wants to take one look at me and run, then he's not the one for me.

A friend recently told me that I had changed so much over the past year.  I wasn't sure how to take it at first but he went on to say that I have gone from this insecure, beat down girl to a happy, confident girl who loves life.  It was probably one of the best compliments I have ever received.

Sure, I absolutely hate the way I look in a swimsuit but you know what, it's not often I wear one.  And again, if someone wants to judge me by how I look, then I don't want that person anyway. I had this discussion last night and a girl said, for every one guy who doesn't want her, there are ten more that do.  And she was so right.  

I have my moments where I get frustrated with being alone. Especially when I seem to be surrounded by happy couples.  Or at least couples pretending to be happy. But I haven't come across my happy in that respect yet.  I'm working on it.  I have this stupid hang up in my head about how I want a summer romance. Funny I know, but I'm just being honest.  Of course ideally, it would last longer than just the summer, but the summer is a start.  Then again, I'm not going to get in a relationship just to have this.

So for now, I'll continue to just be me and be me being happy.  I'll spend the summer with my baby girl.  Lounging at my sister's pool.  And if my knight in shining armor happens by then that will be okay too!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Look What the Cat Dragged In

 It's been a hot minute huh?  1,312 days to be exact.  Yes, I gave it a goog. I've been back several times but words escaped me.  Nothing would come out.  I was in a bad place for a long time.  But after a whole lot of patience, many prayers, and the support of my family and friends, I made it.  And it's worked out well for all of us.  We moved early this year into a cute little house.  Just me and my kids. My little guy, we will call him Felix, he's happier and has been a champ with the change.  He gets the best of both worlds.  Barbie Jr, she's been a Godsend.  I don't know what I would have done without her. There have been differences in ending a relationship vs. divorce (obviously).  Ins and outs.  But this time around, I can actually say Felix's father and I are doing pretty well at this co-parenting thing.  Which is an odd situation for me given what I went through with Ken.  But even that part is going well. Barbie Jr. graduated from high school in M
Post a Comment
Read more

Kindness goes a long way

My last post was about how I refused to be irrelevant. I posted it the day before my 42nd birthday.  It was and is a phrase that has stuck with me.  I haven't blogged since, although I have been planning to. So months later, here On my birthday I received an anonymous gift of a beautiful Edible Arrangement with the attached card: I want whoever you are to know, I carry this with me in my wallet every single day.  I have a few special things that I keep with me always, a drawing Savannah did, a poem she wrote me to tell me everything would be fine when her dad and I were in an ugly custody battle, and now this.  Whoever you are, your kind gesture holds a spot among the most treasured things I carry with me day in and day out.  I take it out when I am having an especially down day to remind myself that I do matter.  That I am relevant. Yesterday was one of those days.  I was feeling down, unloved, unappreciated, so I took the note out and read it. And through my tears of frustr
Post a Comment
Read more

I refuse to be irrelevant.

After insisting to my friends at work that I had *tried* to watch "Grace and Frankie" I discovered that I lied.  I had watched maybe 15 minutes of the show.  So I gave it a second chance.  I'm about halfway through the first season and something the character Grace said hit me like a ton of bricks.  "I refuse to be irrelevant." I. Refuse. To. Be. Irrelevant. To me it is a powerful statement.  And one I need to relate to more.  Because I can so related to feeling irrelevant these days.  I feel like I don't matter.  I mean of course, there are people I matter to, and others who make me feel irrelevant.  Who make me feel like my presence doesn't matter.  And I blame myself. Tomorrow is my birthday and I don't even care.  I've always been all woohoo, my birthday is coming up.  This year? I could care less.  It's a Tuesday.  I have zero expectations.  I'm sure people on Facebook will wish me happy birthday, but otherwise, it just feels l
Post a Comment
Read more