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You're hard to read!!

I'll be the first to admit, I'm one tough cookie. I've learned that in the past year.  I can ramble about nonsene, post ridiculous status updates on Facebook, joke and laugh, but when placed in a one on one siuation, I turn to stone. But here's a secret, it may be frustrating for you, but it's damn frustrating for me too! I don't want to seem cold hearted and stoic. I want to be able to share my feelings.  And maybe someday I will be able to.

I spent years having my feelings used against me.  Being told my feelings didn't matter.  Many, many, years.  It's not something you can just turn on and turn off, I think it has to be relearned.  I'm afraid of my feelings, I am afraid of hurting others, I am afraid that if I speak my mind then I will lose.  Silly I know, but it's left over insecurities.

So yeah, maybe I am hard to read.  Maybe I am afraid to share my feelings.  Maybe I do keep everyone at arm's length, but I have my reasons and people need to respect that!

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