After insisting to my friends at work that I had *tried* to watch "Grace and Frankie" I discovered that I lied. I had watched maybe 15 minutes of the show. So I gave it a second chance. I'm about halfway through the first season and something the character Grace said hit me like a ton of bricks. "I refuse to be irrelevant."
I. Refuse. To. Be. Irrelevant.
To me it is a powerful statement. And one I need to relate to more. Because I can so related to feeling irrelevant these days. I feel like I don't matter. I mean of course, there are people I matter to, and others who make me feel irrelevant. Who make me feel like my presence doesn't matter. And I blame myself.
Tomorrow is my birthday and I don't even care. I've always been all woohoo, my birthday is coming up. This year? I could care less. It's a Tuesday. I have zero expectations. I'm sure people on Facebook will wish me happy birthday, but otherwise, it just feels like another day to me. And the fact that I feel this way is horrific to me. I'm the one who even last year, counted down to that day. Just not feeling it this year. If I could, I would go to bed and sleep through my birthday. And the saddest part of it all, I can't really give you a reason why I feel this way, other than the fact that I feel irrelevant. And when I heard that line is when it hit me.
I want my spark back. My sass. I want to feel passionate about something. I want to matter. And it will take time. But today, I still feel irrelevant. Invisible. And that's a sad and lonely place to be!
I. Refuse. To. Be. Irrelevant.
To me it is a powerful statement. And one I need to relate to more. Because I can so related to feeling irrelevant these days. I feel like I don't matter. I mean of course, there are people I matter to, and others who make me feel irrelevant. Who make me feel like my presence doesn't matter. And I blame myself.
Tomorrow is my birthday and I don't even care. I've always been all woohoo, my birthday is coming up. This year? I could care less. It's a Tuesday. I have zero expectations. I'm sure people on Facebook will wish me happy birthday, but otherwise, it just feels like another day to me. And the fact that I feel this way is horrific to me. I'm the one who even last year, counted down to that day. Just not feeling it this year. If I could, I would go to bed and sleep through my birthday. And the saddest part of it all, I can't really give you a reason why I feel this way, other than the fact that I feel irrelevant. And when I heard that line is when it hit me.
I want my spark back. My sass. I want to feel passionate about something. I want to matter. And it will take time. But today, I still feel irrelevant. Invisible. And that's a sad and lonely place to be!
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