I actually got the line "I refuse to sink" off a picture of a tattoo on Facebook. But it's fitting for the way I feel right now. I feel like I'm sinking, sinking, sinking. Financially, mentally, physically, emotionally, any way possible.
The financial issues are probably the stem of all the other issues. I don't know how many people have told me, just don't worry, God will provide. I'm a Christian, but I suspect when the day comes that they come to shut off my electric or cable or water that they are going to want cold hard cash, not a sermon. And forgive me, I don't mean to mock God but I'm just cynical right now.
The weeks I have Barbie, Jr. are pretty good, aside from last week when we were sick. But she keeps me busy, she keeps me sane. The weeks like this, when she's gone I'm lost, lonesome, sad.
I'm tired of being a doormat. Someone's last thought. Their option. Tired of not standing up for myself whether it be at work when I'm overwhelmed or when I'm feeling forgotten. I'm just tired. But I'll take a break and keep swimming because I refuse to sink.
Ask my momma about the day I was born and you'll hear a story of my dad sleeping, my mom sneaking to scrub baseboards, her hemorrhaging and both of us nearly dying. Moral of the story, I came into this world to the beat of my own drum. No, no birth is "typical" but this event set the stage for my life. I was never the kid who wanted to be like all the other kids. I was always unique. I was never afraid of what people might think. I did my own thing. I still liked New Kids on the Block when I was 18, did I care? No. Did I care that I maybe didn't dress like everyone else? No. Did I care that my hair wasn't perfect? No. Little things that added up to make me who I was. While I've changed a lot over 37 years, one aspect that has changed very little is the fact that I still, march to the beat of my own drum. And it's often said, that is one thing people admire about me. That I've never been afraid to ...
Comments
free wordpress themes