Panic. Sadness. Hurt.

Feelings you experience when you realize you made a mistake.

The fear of having my heart broken caused me to let go of someone I now realize I deeply cared about. Combined with a controlling, abusive ex-husband who threatened harm if that person kept coming around. And now all I am left with is sadness in my heart. Why must I be so damn stubborn and afraid?

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Take Me As I Am

Ask my momma about the day I was born and you'll hear a story of my dad sleeping, my mom sneaking to scrub baseboards, her hemorrhaging and both of us nearly dying. Moral of the story, I came into this world to the beat of my own drum. No, no birth is "typical" but this event set the stage for my life. I was never the kid who wanted to be like all the other kids. I was always unique. I was never afraid of what people might think. I did my own thing. I still liked New Kids on the Block when I was 18, did I care? No. Did I care that I maybe didn't dress like everyone else? No. Did I care that my hair wasn't perfect? No. Little things that added up to make me who I was. While I've changed a lot over 37 years, one aspect that has changed very little is the fact that I still, march to the beat of my own drum. And it's often said, that is one thing people admire about me. That I've never been afraid to ...

100 random things

Apparently, this is my 100th blog entry post-divorce. I wonder what I'd be up to if I still had up my archives??? Anyway, I will attempt to tell you 100 random things. Some you might already know, some you may not. Let's see how I do: I have a Barbie poster hanging in my current bedroom. I currently have 3 cats, a dog of my own and a foster dog My toenails are painted purple My fingernails are painted black My hair is the longest it has been in 20 plus years I'm happier overweight than I was when I was thin I spent half my life in a relationship with my ex-husband I have several nicknames including: Fred, Freddie, Froffie and the newest Froffles I have 5 tattoos Most of the shirts in my wardrobe are black or gray I stocked up on Puffs tissues with Vicks because you can only find them in the winter I have an older sister My parents are both retired I was a majorette in high school I also played clarinet I can no longer read music I wish I could...

Mirror, mirror

Not a day goes by that I don't think about my ex-husband and what transpired between us 2 years ago. Every day when I look at myself in the mirror, I am reminded of what happened that day. A day that opened my eyes and showed me what I needed to do. Oddly enough, even though I think about it every single day, this year, the date passed and I didn't even realize it until today. I'd like to think it's because I have put all that behind me. At least, I hope that's what it is. I've come a long way since that day. I'm a different person now than I was, but one thing has become abundantly clear to me, I am not so sure I like the person I have started to become. There have been many things over the past couple of years I am not proud of. I've done some pretty stupid things while trying to soul search and find myself. Yeah, we all make mistakes. My problem? I keep making them. The biggest thing I dislike about myself is my apparent inabili...

Step Away From The Barbies

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