Thursday, December 20, 2012

Call me crazy!

In my world, when you make plans with people and for whatever reason, need to cancel you communicate this.  Not completely ignore the person.

I deserve so much better for myself than I'm allowing.  So much.  Its hurtful to be alone. I've dated different types of guys so they aren't all the same.  But somehow the end result is. I sit around wasting my time being another person's afterthought.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Okay?

I'm really not "back".  Just regrouping.  Bettering myself yet again.  It's the end of the year and I'm ending it the way I started, but maybe just a little better. If you don't make some changes, you end up with the same result right?

Things with Barbie, Jr. and Ken are better.  I'm in a more affordable place.  Time to re-focus on me again.  Remind myself who I am and what I want. I want a fabulous 2013. Don't get me wrong, it's been a pretty good year but I deserve a super-fantastic year dontcha think?

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

A public service announcement....

Just because I am pretty doesn't mean I am stupid.  Just because I smile doesn't mean my heart isn't broken. Just because I wear my heart on my sleeve doesn't mean I'm desperate!

It seems to be that I am taken as some stupid, pretty face who will believe lies and fall for any man who will have me.

It just so happens that for the first time in many, many years, I love who I am.  No, I don't love that I struggle financially because I was stupid. I don't love that I'm pretty sure my car is on the verge of blowing up but I can't afford to have it looked at.  I don't love that I am disorganized. I don't love that my attention span is basically nonexistent.  But I do love ME!

I can honestly say, I look at old photographs and can usually read the pain in my face. It's taken me 2 years to find me again.  I say this over and over and over on here, I know.  But it's true.  I'm no longer skinny, I've aged, I have a few wrinkles, but I am much happier now than I was when I was a skinny, awkward twenty-something.

I was told today that I put my feelings too much out there. That I wear my heart on my sleeve and that makes me seem desperate.  But I am not.  I like my alone time, but now that I've found the new and improved Barbie Girl, I'd like someone to share my time with.  That's me wanting to share my happy with someone, not being desperate.


Just...

For once I want to be good enough.  I want to be loved.  I want someone to want to love me.  Someone to hold me.  Someone to tell me it will all be okay.  But it will never happen.  Someone will always be better than me.