And we all fall down

The long story short, asshat spent the day drinking yesterday, things spun out of control in the evening, I had to call 9-1-1, and they ended up having to then make his mom leave.

Now, I'll fill some of it in.

He's been weird all week. He had taken this past week off for vacation and I didn't plan to. But then we talked and planned to do some inside stuff, so I took it off. He was gone most of the week doing things elsewhere. For one, he hasn't taken ANY of his medications for over 2 weeks. And he's just done weird, out of character stuff. So yeah, the drug suspicion pops right back up.

Yesterday, he told me some weird random story about the guy out back. Soon after they left because the guy wanted him to take him to get beer. It sounds completely like nothing, but the details of how it all went down was odd. So they were going and coming right back. My first thought was he had NO business whatsoever driving. But when an hour passed I began to get suspicious. When he finally resurfaced I let him have it and he told me I was crazy.



He came in and things escalated. I told him if we meant anything at all to him that he would start going back to his therapist and thinking about going back to his NA meetings. Of course that set him off. And he was all let's go right now and I will take a drug test.



It went back and forth. Him bringing up my debt and trying to say I have ruined his credit. Me pointing out that my debt on the corner of the washing machine couldn't potentially have KILLED our child like cocaine would. Then pointing out that in 11 years the only joint thing we have had was my vehicle. And how the fact that he cannot manage the money in the bank account and he overdraws it all the time, oh and how we got way behind on house payments in 2007 when he WAS IN REHAB, probably has a LOT to do with it. And the fact that even still, he will know things are coming out of the bank and continue to spend money hand over fist.



And it went and went. But the clencher was him being all proud of himself, like he had some smoking gun, and telling me that his cousin (yeah, you know the one? The one who hit on me at Christmas? Who is a raging alcoholic? That one.) told him, that I had confessed to him when we visited Louisiana last summer that I ruined his credit on purpose to get him back for what he put me through with the drug abuse.



I was dumbfounded. The only discussion we EVER had to do with credit or anything financial was me telling his cousin how we struggled during that time. And I told him that. And the fact that he believed that mother fucker, after what he did, was astounding. And that's when I lost it. And when he realized how upset I was he started to backpedal and be all "I didn't say I believed him." And I had this little bag that has my crochet in it and wailed it at his leg. He claims the scissors came out and cut his leg. I think I took off a scab. And I stood up and I don't know what happened or what was said, but the next thing I know, he has that awful, crazy look about him and he comes at me. The only thing I remember is seeing his face, his hands coming at me and fearing for my life. Then looking over as our 6 year old sat watching in horror. And the thing is, all he ever had to do was ask me about that.



He shoved me across the couch. And I was frightened enough to pick the phone up and dial 9-1-1. And I will say, thank god he wasn't beating me half to death because it took almost 15 minutes for them to get here. And before they got here he had called his mom and dad twice telling them to come pick him up.



I told the deputies what happened. They came in and talked to him. They tried to talk me into filing charges but I wouldn't. I told them I threw that at him so he would have every right to file charges back. At the time my chest was splotchy and red. That's what it does when I am stressed or nervous. And they kept questioning me about it. I tried to explain that to them but I know well what they were thinking. My office deals with domestic violence victims every day.



Then his mom shows up and he walks out with the deputies. I saw his mom talking to him and him telling her no. Then she storms up, in her pure white trash form and shouts, "I DEMAND to know what the hell is going on." I just told her that she didn't need to be in the middle of it and to leave. She pulled the "grandmother of the year" card and said, "Well, it does involve me when you do this in front of her." I just kept asking her to leave and telling her to please stay out of it.



She asks what happened and I tell her, you know what I've been through. And she laughs this smart ass laugh that made me want to strangle her and said, "The drugs again? I guess you are going to say you think he's using again?" I said, "He LIED to both of us about it for years. So yeah, I do tend to get suspicious." And she does the laugh again and said, "I guess you are going to tell me now it's because he drinks beer?" She was completely putting on a show for the deputies. I just told her again to leave.



She then goes, "I guess you let them in THAT house." I said, "yeah." She said, "So they went in and saw the MESS." I said, 'Damn right they did." She said, "Good, I'm glad. Because you just totally SCREWED yourself." And she looks at them and says, "My SON does not live like THAT. My SON does not live in a MESS. My son was not RAISED like THAT. My SON was raised in a house that was immaculate." And my reply was, "I'm sorry I'm not as perfect as you. And you know what, your son could get up OFF HIS LAZY ASS once in a while and help out."

And she said, "I don't think so. He gets up early in the morning and works long hours." I rolled my eyes and said, "He works MAYBE 10 hours a day. Start to finish." And she started to say something else and I threw up my hand and said, "You need to leave. You need to stay out of this." And she started in on the no, I'm not and then one of the deputies said, "Ma'am, she has asked you several times to leave and I think that is a good idea."

I am dumbfounded, sad, terrified. And my breaking point was something that could have been handled with a single question MONTHS ago. Which was him asking me about what his cousin had said. Which just goes to show that is how he is. A million times, I have told him to talk to me about things, and yeah I might get hurt or upset, but asking a simple question is better than letting it build up.

As far as the house, I'd be the first to tell you I'm not housekeeper of the year, but I do what I can. The only help I get is him taking out the trash and cooking once in a while. The rest is up to me. Cooking, cleaning, making sure Barbie Jr. is clean, has clothes that fit, has what she needs for school, gets to whatever practice she needs to be at. Doing what I can with the bills when he spends 140 dollars a week on fast food alone. Not to mention beer and snuff. But to try and say my child is neglected? Let's talk about the fact that he has been leaving her in the truck alone while he goes in and picks up a few groceries? Or all the times I've come home to him sleeping and my screaming and shaking his chair wouldn't wake him? Or the time he left 4 lines of cocaine on the corner of our washer while our child was roaming the house.

I discovered he drained the account. I wasn't surprised. His visit to the ATM to take that money caused the charges from things HE had spent money on to now overdraft the account.

I'm devastated it came to this. I think if he were man enough to stand up to his mother and tell her it was between us, we could agree on most everything. But that will never happen. She's the reason he is the way he is. She's been a big part of the problem for a long time. She's very, very ignorant but thinks she is smart.

I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm hurt. And horrified that I let it get this bad. It's my own fault and I should have put a stop to it 2 years ago.