What is wrong with me?

I can't figure it out. What the fuck is wrong with me? What is wrong with me that day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year I put up with asshat's shit?

I'm not perfect. I will be the first to admit that. I can be lazy. I sometimes don't handle money very well. And I have a huge pile of laundry that needs to be done.

Asshat was on vacation last week and while he did deer hunt, was home early enough that he could have helped me around the house. And I have already posted about what happened when I asked him to take the garbage out that Sunday.

In the course of a week these are all the things I do--

1. Get myself and Barbie Jr. up each morning
2. Get myself and Barbie Jr. dressed and out the door each morning.
3. Take Barbie Jr. to school
4. Figure out what to fix for dinner
5. Go home and cook dinner
6. Help Barbie Jr. with her homework
7. make sure the dog and cat are fed and have water
8. clean out the cat's litter box
9. make sure we have clean clothes to wear each day
10. lay out clothes for each of us to wear the next day
11. wash the dishes
12. put the dishes away
13. sweep the living room floor (daily)
14. Vacuum any pet hair/kid crumbs off the couch and love seat (almost daily)
15. look at what money we have and pay the bills
16. dust the house
17. bathe Barbie Jr
18. make sure Barbie Jr goes to bed
19. Take Barbie Jr. to any practices or appts. she has
20. put any clean clothes away

Asshat does the following in a week--

1. goes to work
2. takes a shower
3. takes out the trash (when hounded)
4. picks up Barbie jr from school
5. Sometimes does dishes or cooks

And I am not kidding when I say this is a fairly accurate accounting of what I do vs. what he does.

I have completely done any and all Christmas shopping that needs to be done. He did nothing in way of helping me put up and decorate the Christmas tree. He sat on his fucking ass and watched me. I even scaled unsafe random things in our outbuilding to get the decorations. Had I not done that I would STILL be waiting to decorate my tree.

I looked at our bank account today and realized he has spent over $250 on random, stupid shit here and there, even after we have repeatedly discussed that this is the week neither of us get paid, he got his vacation check two weeks ago and I get paid every other week. I specifically todl him this, this and this is what will be paid this week and we should have this left over to live on until I get paid the following week. So lay off the account. So he does the complete opposite of that and then cannot understand why I am furious when I realize it. He even tried to blame it on me. Uh no, I'm not the one who had to pay 80 bucks to have a fucking deer cut up. He tried the ol' well we have the same amount of money going in the bank each week, I just don't understand. And so I finally came unglued.

"What's not to understand?" I shouted. "You have spent over TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS on bullshit. Snuff and beer. Having your deer processed. McDonalds, Wendy's, giovannis, ten gazillion trips to Speedway. Charges at Wal-mart. And this was AFTER we had multiple discussions about how we really needed to watch every penny we spend.

And he tried turning the tables again. And I said, "Do you not realize it is Christmas? I have had to buy our child gifts?" And his reply? "Well, I got you $200 out of the credit union to spend on Christmas." How I didn't burst my gut open laughing at him I'll never know. The day before Thanksgiving I dropped over $100 in one store at the mall just buying Barbie, Jr. some clothes that fit her. Since her birthday in August, she has been on a major growth spurt and has outgrown most of her clothes. And she is so long waisted and has a bubble butt so it takes going through pants with a fine tooth comb to find a pair that fit and don't hang off her ass cheeks. And when you find them, they aren't cheap. And of course the child needs shoes too. But yeah, I was supposed to do our entire Christmas shopping for $200.

And to think, last night I was all mushy and feeling the Christmas spirit. I was figuring out in my head what I was going to get him for Christmas. Isn't that a riot?